Incoherent Ramblings of an Unwanted Girl

The reasons for which this journal were started were ignorant and did not prove true. And if you don't know of the reasons, I'm not providing a re-cap. Suffice it to say, I was being unhappy and stupid.

I can keep a log of quotes elsewhere, and those are really the items of most interest and intelligence anyway, aren't they?

My life, such as it is, is not anything worth reading about, and airing my personal feelings regarding idiocy just make me look like a bitch. (Or prove I'm a bitch. Or whatever.)

So it's best if I just keep quiet, or keep a private journal for those introspections which I think through more clearly if I write about them.

Thank you, to anyone who has/will read this. If my words interest you, then I am glad. And, if you're anyone who knows me personally who cares about me, then you already know what's going on in my life.

I will always be a little idiot, but it's time for me to pretend to be a grown-up.

"'Even plain women, Phoebe, we can't help it; when we are young we have romantic ideas just as if we were pretty.'"

-Miss Susan
J. M. Barrie. "Quality Street." The Plays of J.M. Barrie. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1929.

What an odd question.

To begin with, this question is sort of vague. I assume it's referring to personal greatness, but if it is, that's not really specified.

So, greatness is an adjective, and as such, modifies a noun, indicating that the noun is either large or of a very good quality.

Personal greatness, on the other hand, kind of depends on the person. I guess it is trying to make something of yourself, and succeeding. Success does not necessarily mean that a person does not become overwhelmed while trying to live up to his or her ambition - e.g., Ernest Hemingway and Edgar Allen Poe. Greatness is kind of associated with fame - in order to be considered a "great" person, one needs to conform to the ideals of other people.

No, this time, it's not me. It's a guy I'm sure writes much better than I can - Jeffrey Cohen.

He's got this interesting post about writing and humor, which, if you're a writer, and/or you like to tell jokes, is a short read: http://heydeadguy.typepad.com/heydeadguy/2009/03/that-was-funny.html.

The help part comes at the end - he posted a chapter from the book he's working on, and wants to hear reactions on whether or not it's funny, what your favorite line was, etc.

So if you like humor, mystery, and/or are bored, check it out. 

"It was not exactly so, because no one would ever tell anyone else everything, but there was the illusion that there was no concealment. When you were in love, all the cards seemed to lie face upwards on the table."

(p. 307) 

Okay, well I think everyone has seen Joaquin Phoenix's interesting interview with David Letterman by now. Now it appears he's attacked someone.

You know, his interview with Letterman is, admittedly, funny. Phoenix has put himself into the spotlight, and in doing so, has given America the right to laugh at him when he does something ridiculous.

At the same time, I read that Superficial article about him today, and it got me thinking on a slightly more depressing and sympathizing track.

I don't know about you, but I've never met Joaquin Phoenix. I've seen his movies, and I think he is a talented actor. But I don't know what his life is like. He has more money than me, and for that, I envy him, but it appears that he is participating in extracurricular activities that indicate he's not particularly enjoying his life.

Life isn't about money. Not having to worry about money sure as hell helps, but it doesn't necessitate happiness. If Mr. Phoenix is unhappy, then I am sorry for him, and I hope that he can find a way to feel like his life is meaningful, and thus derive pleasure while he lives.

His interview with Letterman was a bit odd, but if you watch it, and think about why he's acting the way he is while chuckling to yourself, I think it's pretty obvious that he's thinking. The beard doesn't particularly become his appearance, and he may be partaking in illegal substances, but maybe that's the only way he can see out of his current predicament.

While it is a bit disheartening that he appears to be resorting to the same measures as those of his brother, I hope he soon figures out some other way to feel okay. Life is hard for everyone, I think.

Some of us just really have trouble making connections with other people, though that's something most people intrinsically crave. Some of us have trouble leaving the house, because the world's such a scary place, that it seems easier to just remain indoors, at home. Some of us have trouble breathing, because life sucks and it hurts.

But some of us are very social, and easily make friends. Some of us enjoy the outdoors, with all of the challenges it presents. And some of us have learned to look honestly at the world around us, and to be okay with being our imperfect selves, and to laugh at the absurdities that life presents.

We're all human, and we all know the reasons that people resort to drugs: boredom and/or unhappiness.

I may be insane. I know it's going to take some getting used to, but I need the money, they seem like really great work environments, and I also need an excuse for my apartment to look like crap. (I am not a neat freak. I like cleanliness, but I don't like cleaning. So my apartment isn't a pigsty, it just isn't very neat.)

Anyway, other than my nifty new job at Family Video, I'm also going to be working at Coldstone Creamery, which has some of the yummiest ice cream ever.

I get to watch new releases free, rent my other movies at a discount, and I can home smelling like ice cream. Life, right now, seems pretty good. 

This is what I do, to cheer myself up.

Not that there's any particular reason why I'm down. It's just one of those weeks, you know?

Currently playing in my living room? "Bridge to Terabithia" (and this is random, but if anyone knows the proper way to refer to a movie - like, are quotation marks correct? Or am I supposed to underline, italicize?).

This movie is cute, but so sad.

I'm still going out with my boyfriend and everything, but I read some Craigslist personals today. Just for kicks.

Personal ads are so interesting.

You get people who claim to be "genuine" and that they're "not playas," but know that most of them probably are. You get interesting ads that seem to be written by intellectual people. I read a personal a few weeks ago where this guy referenced a book by Tolle, and said he would "try to be a duck" (he explained it more thoroughly than I'm going to). If I was going to answer a personal, it would definitely be someone who seemed to have done their homework, and made some esoteric reference like Tolle-man.

I would also choose a guy with no, or few, typos in his post. Like most things on the internet, personal ads are rife with typos. So annoying.

You get odd things if you look at the "missed connections" page - one guy offers women $100 to take their underwear off in front of him, and then hand him the underwear. $100 for something that cost you $5 (and, you know, kind of acting like a whore).

Seriously, if you're bored, check out the personals - it's fun! Make up backgrounds for these people you don't know. Or find out something disturbing concerning someone you do know. Or maybe read something that touches you, and meet the love of your life for coffee.

Another thing frequently found in personal ads - people who are so obviously upset with the dating scene. To the point where you feel like they won't even seriously answer any replies. I understand the frustration, but if you're swearing, or saying "most likely, no one of any worth that weighs less than 300 pounds will respond to this," your chances of meeting "that special someone" are going to go down a bit.

What I really like, though, is the "missed connections" page. I think it's kind of sweet. Maybe I watch too many movies (probably, I watch too many movies), but I picture a guy who has seen this girl and felt that spark of warmth in his chest. Some might refer to it as lust - but that's not really it. Some might refer to it as seeing your soulmate - but that's a bit much, too. You see something, though, maybe that "inner beauty" that Shallow Hal is hypnotized to see so prominently in the movie of the same name. So I picture a guy (or a girl, with a guy) who has experienced this, and feels an overwhelming need to do whatever he can to get in contact with her. But he doesn't know anything about her. So all he can do is resort to Craigslist. And hey, maybe it works. And hey, most of the entries are probably more along the lines of, "I saw you at the Taco Bell on Harper and Martin and thought you were HOT. I was the guy in the green shirt, cowboy hat, and magenta eyeshadow. We should hook up." But the thought that it could work out for one entry out of every hundred is nice.

Or the idea that someone could miss me like that. Not that that happens.

I read the personals in the Detroit Metro area, because that's where I used to live, and the Lafayette area, where I now live. The Detroit ads are way more fun. It seems to me, so far, at least, that the Detroit crowd gets more creative. Plus, it's a bit more fun, because there's more of a chance that I will read the words of someone I know. I don't really know a lot of people in Lafayette, so the personal thrill is kind of gone, there.

And to finish off this incredibly odd, rambling post, let me finish with something I find hilarious. The "no offense, but no BBW please." I've seen that one a lot. It's kind of ridiculous, though. Many people request pictures - so you're going to know if someone doesn't fit your aesthetic standards that way, as well as that the person isn't a spambot. And unless you're being REALLY specific - a la, "I'm looking for a 26 year old female with violet eyes, black hair, tan skin, who is between 5'4" and 5'7", weighs between 110 - 125 pounds, and owns a blue feather boa" - it's just insulting to say no to one specific category. Why make yourself seem narrow minded? Oh, but you're also PC. Almost forgot to point that out.

Which had its predictable moments, but was pretty funny, actually.

And it has one of the most romantic scenes ever at the end, between Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks.